Tuesday, December 21, 2010


Don’t you just luuurrrrve it when someone posts their entire personal life in a series of status updates? Yeah, I mean it in the most sarcastic way possible. Get a life man! Nobody cares! Not even the dude/gal you are addressing. (If you think this post is about u, rest assured it most probably is :D)

Now, some people will argue how different am I posting this addressing you. For all I know, you might not care either. But you do… baby, I know you do. Though, I will try to give you a benefit of doubt here. Probably you thought the entire world just sits on the edge of their seats trying to find out what’s up in your love life. Probably you thought your life is just a teensy bit stretched out KJo movie that people actually pay 250/- per head to watch first day first show. Probably you thought one of your friends might just turn out to be the next Ekta Kapoor who would write a 1000 episode epic on your life story. It could happen. It really could. But just in case it doesn’t, here are a few pointers to actually know how normal people react to your status updates.

• When you say something like… you broke my heart, you broke my spirit, you left me out in the cold... but I don’t need you... I am happy. HAPPY!!! Its just plain sad. Everyone knows you are trying too hard to prove a point. If you are happy, you tell the world how you are enjoying yourself… and don’t think of who broke your heart and when and how… you just… stay happy

• Ok, so you put up “I am soooo depressed” update once and u had an overwhelming response… but give it a rest already. Even the best stories in life seem stale after you have heard it like a 1000 times

• Also don’t put up enigmatic status updates… eg “so frustrated!!” comment: why what happened? You: you wont understand :-/… ok so if you don’t want to share what it is, don’t put up the frickin’ update

• Don’t like your own status update. Just… don’t do it.

• Ever heard of the idiot who tried to start a chain status update? That idiot DIED!!!

I guess this is it for now… till you something dorkier next time. I will be back. Doubt mat rakhna  till then, ciao

(Disclaimer: the “you” I am referring to may or may not be in my friend list. It might not be even the same person everytime I put up a point. So please, don’t get emotional reading this post. Yeah, I am talking to YOU :P)

Sunday, December 5, 2010


Apparently, when I was 7-8ish my mom had asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up and I don’t really remember what insane medical drama cum love story cum family saga I was watching then but I ended up saying that I wanted to be a doctor. That way all I have to do is sit in one place in a hospital and whenever a terminal case comes to me I draw a white sheet over the person and utter the word “you are too late… I am sorry.”

Now, this says a lot about how lazy I was even when I was that young but let’s skip that discussion. The point is, through this anecdote of mine I have realized that one of my first ambitions was to work in a hospital. Now God has really funny ways of screwing me up. I mean none of my wishes came true when I really meant them. Like the time I really wanted to top that exam… or I really wanted that dude to notice me… or I really wanted to… well, it doesn’t matter, none of that happened. But THIS he listens. And so, I came to work in a hospital.

But a far cry from hair swishing, unbuttoned white coats flying, stethoscope wielding image of hospital staff that TV serials or movies portray, hospital life is as de-glamorous as it can get. You don’t get time to have your morning tea, let alone apply make up before going for work. You can’t smile your million dollar smile at the patients’ irate relatives and put them at peace. You do not calmly put that white sheet on the patient with apologetic eyes and declare that the relatives were too late…

Each failed case leaves a scar. Every time you get close to a really jolly 30 year old who later gets detected with cancer or cardiac cirrhosis, a part of you dies inside to think that the person will have grueling god-knows-how-many years ahead. 16 year olds admitted with case of organophosphate poisoning, 14 year olds taken to bed forever due to a freak road traffic accident, 2 year old toddlers in a fire accident with third degree burns… to think if u let yourself get scarred every time this happens it won’t take long for you to be dead inside. But you let yourself feel the pain anyway.

Too sentimental? I guess I did go a bit overboard there. Because every makes-you-want-to-kill-yourself thing has a makes-you-want-to-live-to-be-a-hundred side. The joy of knowing that you are a part of the team that cured the patient, the gratitude of their loved ones, the 8th of every month (when you get your pay :P), knowing that people trust you, no matter what: sort of makes up for everything that messes with your head. It is here where, like any other place you find the world’s best colleagues… feel a sense of importance when there is an emergency… feel the respect and the humility that goes hand in hand when you don the white coat

Life in a hospital is barely a life. But even then every time you walk out after a shift, you can’t help but take another glance at the building, an insignificant speck on the vast cosmos that we call the universe, and yet quite significant in that one place which is not nearly as vast as that universe, but a universe for you, nonetheless J

Friday, July 9, 2010

winning 'em back

The year was 2003 and the air was buzzing with a new movie to be released titled “how to lose a guy in 10 days.” A young, fresh out of school girl found the whole concept very intriguing and googled the title so she could read reviews. And what she found instead were self-help sites titled “how to win your ex back in 10 days” or “step by step guide to get him crawling back to you.” Now, she had no illusions about herself or her looks… or her weight; she knew that finding a boyfriend for her is going to take years, (if not decades) and then maybe a few weeks later he would become her ex. So she ignored the sites and closed the tab dejected that she hadn’t found the review.

5 years later…

After being with a guy for a few months and then being dumped rather unceremoniously she had no intentions of even looking at his dumb face again, let alone to try winning him back. However, some things are unexplainable and somehow her thoughts kept going back to the self help sites she had opened years ago. She decided there was no harm in checking them out just for fun and she did. And oh my god!!

Conflicting views, drastically regressive and cheaply manipulative mind games were out there for grabs. “Ignore him till he calls you”, “try to remain as happy as you can and make sure he knows it” , “start seeing other men.” Yeah right. If that was that easy I don’t think there would have been any poets in the world. (Except for wordsworth; I guess, he wrote a poem on daffodils for crying out loud and to this date I think it is one of the most over rated poems I ever read. I would have gladly exchanged roshesh’s poems instead in my textbooks. Anywho… I don’t want to be beaten to death by any of his fans so continuing with the plot) the point is, those were the theories pelted at heartbroken girls all over the world.

Just for the heck of it, she checked the male counterpart of that self help guide – “How to get HER crawling back to you.” Wonderful advice, not at all manipulative and I-did-not-see-this-coming methods were listed for the heartbroken guys: “Ignore her till she calls you”, “try to remain as happy as you can and make sure she knows it” , “start seeing other women.” Hmm… wonder what if both the parties want to get their ex back, neither of them will call each other going by these guidelines and both of them will see how the other is so damn happy without them and end up thinking that the other person doesn’t care. Wow!

And after each of these self help guidelines were the oh-so-astonishing words, for the full fledged guide, send in a check of 5 dollars (see? So cheap) and get a book free. Money back, no questions asked if the formula doesn’t work. I have no idea how many actually get suckered into the whole fiasco.

What do I think? I think ex is ex for a reason - whether it is an ex boyfriend/girlfriend or just a really good friend. If things have gone to the brink so much that either one of you doesn’t want to even look at the other, or apologizing isn’t helping, then it’s better to leave things the way they are. You never know when you would run back into them, and then get chatting again, all differences, heartache forgotten to find a newfound friendship within yourselves.

As for the girl, she got to watch that movie 9 years after it’s release. She enjoyed it. With her friends. And when she was watching love blossom between the leads, she wasn’t even thinking of her ex. 

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

turn back time

(**Author's note: Sometimes you experience something akin to writer's block, when you have a great concept in your head but you you just don't seem to be able to present it to your satisfaction. You know what i mean? Oh you do! Great so thats what's happening to me lately. Presenting one of my lesser creative pieces...)


Once again, a casual conversation between my friend and me made me think of him. Hardly a big surprise considering I tend to associate every little thought with him. Most of the times nostalgia hits me like a wave leaving me mulling over things for weeks. Sometimes I make a lucky escape if I get distracted with other things or a nightmare or two. This time it was different though. Usual thoughts had crowded my brain- life would have been better without him in it or I wish I had never sent him that friend request or I wish I had never gotten so close to him. I am not sure if it was a dream, or just my imagination working overtime. But somehow I got a second chance.

I was sitting under a tree in a park, pretending to read a book, thinking about him. I noticed a girl staring at me. At first I didn’t think anything of it but after a while I started to feel a bit self conscious. I gave her a tentative smile and she took it as an invitation to come over and talk to me.

“Hi. What book is that?”

I mumbled “a thousand splendid suns” as I couldn’t think of any way to ask her to get lost.

“You are not really reading that, are you?”


“It doesn’t help to think and rethink imagining different scenarios in your mind. You have to accept things the way they are, you know. That’s life.”

This girl was giving me the creeps but I instinctively knew she knew what she was talking about. Even then, that didn’t give her any right coming here and infiltrating my thoughts.

“I know it does no good but somehow I can’t help thinking about it. Life would have been a lot different if some things hadn’t gone the way they had. And you are right about having to accept things they way they are. And that’s the part which just pisses me off. The compulsion. If only I could turn back time, things could have been different. I would have been happier.”

“Well, so then, if u had a chance to turn back time, which day would you go to?”


“Sure,” she gave a non committal shrug,

“Probably the day I met him. I sent this complete stranger a friend request on orkut. What was I thinking?”

“probably it was just your instincts that drew you to him. The voice of your soul.”

“I wish the voice would have just shut up.”

“Fine, then you go back in time. This time I will be your voice of reason and I will not let you send him a friend request. Lets see if you would listen to me. Lets see how that goes.’


I was sitting at a terminal in an internet café going through profiles of my friends. I saw him in friend list of one of my friends. He looked very familiar. Like I have spoken to him before, seen him before. I didn’t know why I kept returning back to his profile. But the truth was I did. And it had been three consecutive days since I have been staring at his profile picture trying to recall where I had seen him before. I checked his profile. Same college as mine. So he was not totally a stranger. It wouldn’t hurt to send him a friend request, would it?

But there was no point adding him either. I didn’t know him. We obviously didn’t run in the same circles or else we would have come across one another.  For all I know, he could turn out to be a freak and I would curse the day I ever tried to initiate contact. With so much of reasoning I had done with myself, I thought I would rather not initiate any sort of contact. And so I just let it be.

I completed my graduation that year, went on for my post graduation and everything was quite uneventful. I had nothing to complain about. And yet, many times I kept wishing I had someone special in life. I had no idea why every time I thought about having “someone special” my thoughts kept drifting towards that day in the internet café when I kept staring at that guy’s profile picture.

That particular day all my friends had plans with either their family or “special ones” and so I didn’t have anything to do in particular. I was bored sitting at home and so armed with my copy of a thousand splendid suns I went to a nearby park when I noticed a girl staring at me. I got an overwhelming sense of déjà vu and I gave that girl a tentative smile. She came to talk to me.

“So are you happy now?”

At first the question just confused me and then suddenly I remembered. Both the timelines were etched in my memory with startling clarity.

“You got our wish. You turned back time and did everything differently. But I can’t let you remember both the stories. You will have to give one up. So which one is it?”

I didn’t know what to say. Without him, everything was just fine. I was spared the heartbreak of having to let him go, the incessant obsession sessions I had to go through before I finally accepted the fact that he and I could never be together, my life was much, much happier without him. Everything was perfect. It was a no brainer which timeline I should choose. So when I spoke to her, my voice was confident.

“I choose the first timeline. I want to meet him. Do everything I did it the first time.”

She smiled as though she had known my answer all along. But then again, she probably knew everything.

“Fine. It is your wish.”

“Do you think I made the right choice?”

“It doesn’t matter what I think.”

And then she disappeared. The other timeline is slowly fading from my memory and once again I am tempted to rethink my decision. But then again, I think I should embrace every mistake I did. Because every mistake had helped my life shape up the way it is now. And I am quite happy with my life. even with its many disappointments. As for him, in words of Nick Mercer from the movie “The wedding date” – I think I would miss you even if we had never met.” This way at least I get to meet him, know him and enjoy all the wonderful memories. 

Saturday, June 12, 2010


This was how my typical day went like…

Get up late – check facebook – go to hospital – stay connected to facebook via facebook mobile –  come back home – have lunch – check facebook – go out to meet my friends – stay connected to facebook via facebook mobile – return home – have dinner – log in facebook – stay logged in till its very, very late.

In short, I was a facebook addict.

Then one fine day, for no reason – logical or otherwise – I decided to quit. When I first deactivated my account I felt a feeling of release. It was as though I had conquered something great. But like any other addiction, quitting leads to withdrawal symptoms. And it’s not like there are support groups to help you cope with this. Pity that there is no facebook anonymous or anything of that sort coz if there was such a thing, I’d have applied for a lifetime membership. 

As soon as I started the internet connection the mouse automatically went towards the facebook icon. Facebook was just one click away but I knew I had to be strong. First symptom of facebook withdrawal – you notice other sites, too. I switched on gtalk instead. 2 people online, one idle. Fond memories of facebook filled my thoughts. At any given point of time facebook had at least 8 people online. For the first time in my life, I had nothing to do online.  Second symptom of facebook withdrawal – securing new heights of joblessness.

It is very difficult to keep in touch with more than a few dozen people at a time let alone the 200 odd “friends” I had on facebook. It was funny I never wondered what was going on in their lives before. No, that is not entirely true… it was just that I never Had to wonder, what with 50 status updates everyone put … complete with insanely outrageous grammar and equally devastating spelling errors (I had “hidden” most of my “friends” just coz I couldn’t stand their status updates) but now I found the third symptom of facebook withdrawal. Wondering what everyone was up to.

Ah… it’s not that bad. You get used to all this in a few days. By the third or fourth day you even feel you can live without facebook. And it is true. It is nothing you can’t live without. You tend to look up to other stuff to fill your minds and life goes on without much difference. And one fine day you get over the addiction. And you feel whole again.

Bulls. Who am I kidding? That day never comes. Facebook never really deactivates your account... as soon as you log in; you are back like nothing ever happened. Half the people haven’t even noticed your absence. (Sad but a bit of a relief, a whole lot less number of people you have to explain your absence to) Even if you want to permanently delete your account, the account is preserved for 14 days (for security reasons they say, but the real reason is that they know that very few people can actually resist the temptation of logging in for that long)

Like any other addict you look for reasons… hey it’s not like I m going to smoke again, but it doesn’t harm to keep a pack in the house does it... I m just keeping the bottle in case guests come over… It doesn’t hurt to keep the account open; I will keep it down this time… And those who think they can write; write an account of their experiences of addictions and subsequent withdrawal symptoms. And then they vow never to log into facebook again. Facebook is evil… evil... evil… EVIL

Anyway… I think I have ranted enough. And it has done nothing to get rid of my boredom. I am going to log into facebook again. I mean… I know I am trying to quit… its addictive and all that blah blah… but it doesn’t hurt to keep the account open, does it? I will keep it down this time… pakka… promise… :-/

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Replacing You

i asked you to leave
i didn't want you to stay
but got disappointed all the same
when i saw you walk away

I've been searching for you since
in every friend and foe
in every person i meet
in everyone i know

they see me all happy outside
I've moved on, they say
i would have, for real too
but try as i may...

i cried i laughed, i broke my heart
but one thing i couldn't do
was find the one person in life
who could've replaced you

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


I sat at our regular hang out place. He and I had discovered this place when we were in college and had fallen in love with it. The food was reasonable and the owners never made us get up even if we had been sitting for hours. We called it our “adda” our den, our haven. I checked my watch and saw I was 20 minutes early. I still had time. He had never been late either. He would always be on time to see his buddy.
That word had bothered me since forever. He always thought of me as “one of the guys.” And that meant that our friendship was pure platonic. And I would have sold my soul to be something more that. The fear though that my feelings would ruin our friendship always kept creeping at the back of my head. In his defense, I really was different than most girls. For one, I didn’t care about my appearance. my shopping mostly consisted of picking up the first set of clothes I saw at the store. Accessories were just a burden to me. Romantic movies were a source of comic entertainment, and I was an ardent follower of NBA and football matches. But I never regretted not doing all those things my gal pals did; because these were the very things that had brought me close to him. These were those things that were common between him and me. Every time there was a football match we would settle down in front of our television sets and keep taunting each other every time our team scored a goal. Even if it was over the phone. He even taught me how to cuss.
And now he was on his way so I could meet his girlfriend. I saw him park his bike and my heart skipped a beat. He had come alone! Maybe the girl had backed out or something. Maybe they had a break up! Even as I thought of it I knew I might be off by a long shot. But hey, it wouldn’t hurt to wish now, would it?
“Hey nice shirt!”
i snapped out of my wishful thinking.
“You too, I guess. What’s with the pink formal shirt?”
“Gift from her on my birthday. She insisted I wear it today. She should be here any moment now, by the way. She never comes on time”
i didn’t want to continue the conversation. As long as she wasn’t here we could talk about anything else. I wanted him for myself but my pride did not let me say that out loud. I remembered his dislike for sloppy late comers and I wondered what had changed him.
“There she is”
And sure enough she was exactly as she had pictured her. Completely covered from head to toe with scarves, jackets and what not, she had already found a parking space. Very daintily, she got off her pink scooty pep. Then she opened her “dikki.” Then she took off the scarf and folded it and kept it in. then she took off her sun coat and repeated the procedure. Then out came the gloves. Then she struggled to close her over packed dikki and finally she was done. Not quite. She walked over to her rear view mirror and checked her hair.
i had to roll my eyes at that. God what did he see in her? She was so typical!
“So, this is she,” he introduced her.
We shook hands. I asked if she was going to have anything. She just crinkled her nose and said something about trying to lose weight. I didn’t see why she needed to do that. She looked perfectly normal to me. He had his hand over her shoulder which kinda distracted me from my line of thought. He and I both ordered a coffee and some eatables. The conversation was light but I couldn’t help wondering how different they were from each other. She was the kind of girls we used to laugh at together, the kind of girl we made wicked imitations of. I always thought her kind would never interest him. But here we were, in our adda. With her as a third wheel, spoiling our fun. Or was it my jealousy speaking. I didn’t know. I didn’t care. I wanted to leave.
I was relieved when the food finally came.
“mmm that looks good. Mind if I taste some?”
Gawd! If she wanted to eat something why make such a big fuss about her weight issues. She was driving me crazy. And if she was driving me crazy, technically she should have driven him crazy too! I mean we were virtually the same person! We thought alike, we liked the same things, even our behaviour was alike. These two were just like chalk and cheese.
And that’s when it hit me. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe we were too alike. Maybe I just had a live demonstration of opposites attract. The yin and yang theory. Yin always required a yang for being complete. Two yangs just made a weird dark blotch. As I saw them feed each other little bites of food I realized what was gluing them together. The sheer happiness in their eyes said it all. She wasn’t a third wheel. I was.
Suddenly I knew what I could do to get him to like me! I had to be a Yin! Yes! That was the secret. I had to show him I could be what she is, and more. I could be the girl he always wanted, plus his buddy who was his best friend. I could be so much more than he dreamt of. And I intended to start right then.
I excused myself abruptly.
“Why? What’s the matter?”
“I have an appointment.”
“Why what’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong. I just need to get my nails done. I had completely forgotten. And yeah after that, I m going shopping with my friends. You know, some girly time together.”
“Yeah I know what you mean,” she said. Well, have fun.
“You do all that stuff? I assumed u have an appointment with a dentist or something.”
Now that stung bad.
“Ciao dude. I need to rush”
And I intended to do just that. First I had to go to my house to fetch my wallet (I made a mental note to get myself a pretty purse) and then go to that parlor my friends always talked about. When I got to my building I saw the kids playing a game of gully cricket. One of them came to me.
“didi, we are falling short of one player. Will you play with us?”
I started to say no. but something made me say
“only if u let me bat.”
There was a general uproar at that statement but finally they let me have my way. A huge kid I couldn’t believe was just 15 came in to bowl. I smacked the ball hard.
And I lost track of time…